Monthly Archives: April 2014

Sweet torture


Time seems to be moving really fast lately, and while I’m trying to fit lots of Alaskan fun in before September, I do sometimes like to think ahead, and imagine where I’ll be in the fall. When I get into that mood, I like to head on over to Craigslist, and check out apartments. Just to browse, but also to torture myself, because when I inevitably find the perfect apartment, I know it’ll be rented by the time I’m ready to move (at which point I’ll be forced to live in a hovel, with roommates *shudder*. I’m really over this living-with-people thing). It’s a fun game, in a heartbreaking way, especially because I now know what Baltimore neighborhoods are nice, and have things I would want close by (grocery store within walking distance, nice park to run in, Quaker Meeting, contra dance- man, my old neighborhood ruled). A practical person might point out that I could better use this time and energy to find another roommate in Anchorage, since that’s an issue that I’ll have to address in the next month, but it’s less fun, so I’m mostly ignoring it, crossing that bridge when I come to it, etc. I have put out some feelers, but it’s hard to really invest too much energy into something so irritating. Instead, I’ll fantasize about how awesome things will be in the fall, when I’m back on the East Coast, living by myself (plus a kitten). Is it unrealistic to assume all of my issues will vanish, based on a change of address (despite the fact that I know I had issues the entire time I lived back East)? Probably! But that’s ok. When I remember the problems I had in Maryland (terrible romantic choices, harpy roommates, sweltering heat), I think of how much they caused me to grow (maybe not the heat part, but I’ve come to accept that air conditioning is not a sign of weakness), and I feel like I am better equipped to handle them now. Besides, Carbon Leaf is never going to come to Alaska, so I might as well move somewhere I know there’s good live music. 




I am so ready for the weekend. I had planned on spending tomorrow climbing some mountain, but instead I’m volunteering at the Fetish Ball, so I’ll probably just go to yoga (I need to pull a costume together. The theme is School of Hard Knocks, so of course I’ll be going as the school nurse), and hike on Sunday. I only just decided to volunteer (it’s being put on my the local AIDS organization, where I volunteer, so I’ve heard lots about it, but none of my friends were interested in going), but now I’m excited. I think it’ll be an interesting scene, and volunteering takes the pressure off of just going by myself and feeling awkward (it also makes the costume feel more normal, which I’m hoping will decrease the self-consciousness factor).

I got a letter from a friend today, and while he’s terrible at putting things out in the open, and taking responsibility, he finally said the six words I’ve been waiting almost our entire relationship to hear- “You’re awesome, and I’m a fuckhead”. Truer words were never spoken.