More Love


I had my first rugby practice in years last night, and it was great. I’m entirely out of shape, but I  had a ton of fun, and got super muddy. Practice goes until 9:00, and at the end of the night I tumbled into bed, feeling grateful for hot showers and soft sheets. This feeling lasted until 5:24 in the morning, when my phone rang, summoning me to a birth. Because I suck I didn’t have any cash, so I had to go to two different ATMs to get cab fare, but I arrived at the hospital at 6:00, just in time to see my client get her epidural. I have mixed feelings about epidurals, partly because I’ve seen them really help moms who didn’t feel like being in pain. Most of the time I think it’s possible to have a good labor without one, but not everyone feels that way, and it isn’t my call. It makes me feel like a bad doula when my moms get epidurals, but I think that’s more about peer pressure and my own baggage than anything else, and so I always support my moms to do whatever feels right. This mom eventually wound up having a C-section (so much doula guilt!), but the end result was a stunningly beautiful baby, so alls well that ends well, and I feel great about things. I stuck with this family for 12 hours (which is going to be my life after graduation. I can’t even deal with how long 12 hours is), and it was wonderful. There are times when I question whether I’m actually helping anyone with my doula-ing, but I think it makes a real difference, even if I’m just keeping people company. The dad today told me I have a very peaceful, calming presence, which is sort of what I’m going for, so I was pleased. I love what I do, and I’m glad when I’m able to help people.

My friend Maria came contra dancing tonight for the first time. It was a smaller crowd this week, and more normal, and less supermegaawesomefun, but I had a good time. Peter Parker was there again, and he was endearing and kind of cheesy (in a sweet way). I’d like to spend more time with him- he doesn’t make me feel floaty and enamored the way other people do, but I’m not sure those feelings are the basis for a real relationship anyway. I haven’t decided whether I’ll go dancing tomorrow or not- there’s rugby practice, which is free, and important (although I can honest-to-goodness barely walk. I always forget how punishing it is at the beginning of the season), but I loved the band when I saw them last week, and I love dancing. I have all of tomorrow to think about it though, so I don’t need to decide anything just yet. Either way, I’m entirely exhausted, and praying no one goes into labor tonight.


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