This semester is kind of kicking my butt. Something isn’t clicking, and I keep getting disappointing grades, no matter how hard I study. I thought I was past it when I crushed my pharm test, but my Adult Health test today was brutal, and as soon as it let out I discovered that I had done poorly on my Older Adults test that I thought I had aced. It’s all very discouraging. The worst part is that today was the day I finally worked up the courage to ask Admissions what I need to do to apply to stay on for my Masters, and now I feel like my already slim chances of being accepted are dwindling away to nothing. Next week is Midwifery Week at school, and I’m planning on cornering and charming the midwifery faculty and asking them to support my application, but I don’t feel like I have a very strong case at the moment- “I want it” probably won’t cut it. Even without Masters worries though, I’m really kind of worried about my grades on a more immediate level. I don’t like not doing well. It would be one thing if I only had one bad patch going on- I was resigned to a less than stellar living situation, but if that’s the case then school needs to go smoothly so everything in my life doesn’t feel like it’s coming apart. It doesn’t help that I’m completely embarrassed by my bad grades, so I don’t want to tell my friends. They all act like a 90 is the end of the world, and it makes me feel really stupid to admit that I’m having a hard time, even though they might be able to help.
It’s Wednesday, which should mean dancing night, but instead I’m throwing myself a little pity party and staying home to try to work on my care plan that’s due Sunday. I know having a hard time doesn’t mean I’ll be a bad nurse, and a couple of my classmates have switched from our 13 month program to the 17 month one, but I don’t want to do that. I’m a little scared my adviser might suggest it, but while I know there’s no shame in it whatsoever, I do not want to switch. I’ve taken hard classes before, and I can survive these, even if I only get through on pure stubbornness.