Or at least until May. My mother sometimes says “It’s better to have a red face once, than a stomachache for the rest of your life”, and while it’s (probably) true, it doesn’t make the red face part any easier. I don’t like confrontation, but that doesn’t mean I won’t tackle things head on, and while I’m fully capable of bearing my teeth in a fight, I’m usually more likely to roll over and show my belly. I don’t like fighting. I’ve felt positively anemic all week from the stony silence in my apartment, and I don’t think it’s worth it, since I have literally nothing to gain. When I asked my dad what I should do he told me to bake some cookies, and apologize. My immediate reaction was one of outrage- why should I apologize? What would I even be apologizing for? And then what? We act like friends, after everything that has transpired, and while injustice still stands? (I am a drama queen, you don’t need to feign surprise.) I vetoed the idea on the grounds that it was intolerable- I refused to even consider the notion that apologizing might change anything, and the idea that my roommates might be allowed the satisfaction of thinking they were right only further proved that my dad didn’t know what he was talking about (wait for it- this isn’t a post about my dad’s bad advice). I told myself that I was fine with the way things were- sure they sucked, and I felt uncomfortable going to the bathroom because it’s shared, and what if one of my roommates walked out of their room?, but that isn’t the case, and I don’t think I want to live like this for the next year. I know it sounds fun, but it’s tiring, and I may have to be the one to break the silence. On the plus side, as my friend Judy pointed out, this will give me the moral high ground, which I love. The only issue is that I don’t want to do it- I don’t want to be at peace with these people, I just want to be able to pee without worry. I don’t want to apologize, and I can’t emphasize this part enough- I don’t want them to think they were right. But I have to do it anyway. It will be a big step for me if I pull it off, but I’m certainly dreading the conversation.
In other news, mug cakes may suck, but mug cookies are kind of great. Ok, great might be overstating it a little, but they are good. I made mine with a chia egg, so it looked horrible, and I didn’t take a picture, but it was a pleasant treat after a long day at clinical. I’d kind of like another, but I’m doing my best to resist.