Topsy turvy

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This week has been quite the emotional roller coaster, and I’m more than ready for it to be over. Until this morning I wasn’t sure that my cat would live through the week, so I spent a great deal of time sobbing, and being utterly miserable. I know that pets can’t live forever, but that doesn’t make it any easier when they do go, and being faced with the idea of losing her was horrible. She’s on the mend, but it’s hard to feel completely relieved, since I know what’s in store now, and how bad I am at coping with grief. For now though, I’m just glad she’s ok. It’s terrible being away from home when there are such goings-on, and I had to seriously fight the urge to hop on a plane to Buffalo all week.

One of the things that helped me today when I was at peak anxiety, was the fact that I’m making some very nice friends in nursing school. I felt very alone last night, when things were at their worst, and lamented the fact that while my parents have each other, Lillian has her camp besties, and Emily has Joshua, I’m by myself. My roommate is away for the weekend, and I spent a very bleak night alone in my apartment crying myself to sleep. Grief is probably the best argument for being in a relationship that I can think of right now, but I actually do have a great support in my new friends, who were wonderful today. I can be very hesitant to form new bonds, and yet somehow all of these caring, sweet people have found their way into my life. I can’t explain it, but I’m very grateful.

Now that things are settling down a bit I feel like I can finally breathe again. I never really addressed yesterday’s issue of no food (Caroline B. made me dinner last night, and then gave me the leftovers since she was going out of town, so I didn’t have to think about dinner yesterday, or lunch today (or dinner today, since I didn’t pack much lunch, in an attempt to escape emotional eating), so today after school I went to the grocery store and did a lots of shopping. I know the week isn’t over yet, but sitting on my bed, watching Buffy, eating ice cream with strawberries, and drinking wine out of a jelly jar (because I’m classy) is the perfect tonic after a week like mine. The only thing that could make it better would be if my kitty were here with me.

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