After I left the party I ambled up the hill to Main Street. I walked past my old church, and made my way over to Mamma Mia’s for some pizza. I didn’t eat out very often when I went to Geneseo, but they have delicious pizza, and individual slices are cheap and generously sized. I ordered a slice with broccoli and hot peppers, and while I was waiting a couple of women’s alums came in, and joined me. They were seniors my freshman year, and they’re both very mothering, and invited me to go to the bars with them, and offered to find me a place to sleep that night.
I don’t really get bars, at least not when they’re insanely crowded and loud, but I went with them and found my friends. I tried doing the bar thing, but I wasn’t feeling it, and I had left my stuff in a girl’s car at the bottom of the hill, so I left to go get it and to escape. It was cold outside, but it felt nice after the close alcohol-y smelling bar, and I was happy that I had found the girl who had my stuff in her car, because I had been thinking of it as gone forever. After I grabbed my stuff I went back to the rugby house. The party had moved inside, and conditions had gone from squalid to indecent. The men were playing Civil War in the kitchen, and there was a good inch of beer, water, and mud on the floor, and peanut butter and yogurt smeared on the walls. My old teammates were there though, and so I stuck around. The guys were extra rowdy, and they all decided to get naked and do jumping jacks, and push-ups (in the muck! It coated their hands!), so I was just about to leave when the cute napping undergrad guy showed up. He was all refreshed, thanks to his nap (and Four Loko), and he was being very cute, and even asked me to dance when an ABBA song came on. He wanted to go up to the bars, and I was game, but he wasn’t very motivated to actually leave the party. He wandered off, and while he was gone another guy came up to me. This guy looked a lot like Darren Criss, and he also wanted to go to the bars, but he was ready to go, and so I left with him. The other boy was nicer, and we had a better rapport, but there were too many naked men wallowing in their own filth for me to dilly dally around until Bachelor Number One got his act together, and I figured I could find him at the bar, but leaving with Bachelor Number Two meant not having to walk up the hill by myself, and at the time that was the priority.
Bachelor Number Two (or BNT) decided it would be better to catch a bus, and within seconds of waiting at the bus stop with this kid I realized he was a huge tool. You could hear in his voice that he smokes too much pot, and he had a very negative tone, and was just generally unpleasant. This put me in an awkward position, since I had already left with him, but I was just about to go back to the party and exchange him for BNO when one of the mothering alums from the pizza place pulled up and told me to get in the car, and then invited BNT in as well. It would have been too rude to leave him there, so I was stuck, and once we were in the car I realized she wasn’t taking us to the bar, she was taking us to the apartment where I was staying, so we kind of kidnapped the kid, and sent entirely the wrong message. Now, for the sake of honesty, I’ll admit that sometime between getting in the car and realizing that we weren’t going to the bar, I decided I was going to make out with BNT. I didn’t like him that much (or at all really), but it was Alumni Weekend, he was handsome, willing, and over 18, and it looked like things weren’t happening with BNO (what with the whole, leaving-with-another-guy-and-then-not-going-to-the-bar thing), so I made up my mind. Would I have made that choice if BNT hadn’t been practically delivered? It’s hard to say, but I doubt it. He really was unpleasant.
I felt like a terrible guest for bringing a strange guy back to this girl’s apartment, but she didn’t seem to mind, and BNT and I went into the guest room. I told him as soon as we sat down, before we even touched that there would only be necking, and I was almost let off the hook, because he actually thought about leaving once he understood he wouldn’t be getting any. A guaranteed make out is worth more than hypothetical sex though, and he decided to stay. As for the necking, it was…ok. He was a little humorless, and he didn’t want to chat at all, and I like a little conversation with my kissing. He was a warm body though, and while he was flummoxed as to why I wouldn’t sleep with him, he didn’t push the issue, so it wasn’t terrible. People need to be cuddled from time to time, and I was overdue.
The next morning I woke up early and washed up while he was still asleep. I was incredibly sore from the game, and I got really sunburned. I was kind of shocked when I saw my reflection, my lips were so burned they looked like something out of Rocky Horror. I did what I could though, and went back to the room. Now, undergrad Caroline would have felt pressured to lie back down, and be very still so as not to wake the boy (it wouldn’t have been about letting him sleep as much as not ending the situation before he decided it was over), but I’m grown up Caroline, so I sat at the desk and read the Times on my phone while he slept. Things were slightly awkward when he woke up, and I think we were both relieved when he left quickly. There wasn’t any nonsense about getting breakfast, or morning make outs, and I was glad to see the last of him, and I’m sure he felt the same way about me.
That was really the weekend, I left soon after that, slipping out while everyone else slept, leaving a thank you note on a sugar packet because I couldn’t find any paper. I caught a ride back to Buffalo with the same girl who had driven me out, and we had a nice ride, talking about our various shenanigans. I don’t think I’m going to go back. This felt a lot like closure. The last time I left was in the middle of winter, and I said my goodbyes, but I didn’t feel like things were resolved. I missed Geneseo when I first got to Smith, and I sort of clung to my Geneseo rugby experience, so that it was harder to connect with the team at Smith than it might have been (or not, I’m not saying they weren’t jerks). I’m really ready to let it go now though. I had a lot of fun, and I still really value my old friends, and coach, and teammates, but I don’t feel the need to do that ever again. That part of my life is really and truly over, and I can’t say I’m not glad. It was fun while it lasted, but now I’m on to the next thing, and that’s good.