The holidays have been over for weeks, but I’ve still been stuck in Limbo-mode. I haven’t fallen back into a normal routine, and when I’m off-balance like that I feel cranky. This week is the official kick off for my next phase though, because classes start tomorrow. My life is still chopped up into semesters, so it makes sense that I felt like the holidays were dragging on, because I was still sort of on break. Soon though, there will be tests, and homework, and I’ll know where I need to be at any given time, and I’ll feel better. I’ll get into a routine again, and things will be right with the world. I’m excited about this upcoming semester. Microbiology sounds very scary, but I like the kind of thinking that accompanies hard science. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but it feels sort of like working out- hard, and sometimes painful, but more rewarding than doing something less challenging.
I also need to be more social. I was doing really well for awhile, with MeetUps and whatnot, but then I stopped, and as a result I’ve been a hermit for the past month. It’s so easy for me to just…not hang out with people, but I’m happier when I do. And that means I need to extend myself more. New classes mean new people though, so I’ll have plenty of opportunities soon, I just need to take advantage of them. I’m going to be busy this semester, what with work and classes, but I figure if I can do one non-family social thing a week I’ll be good. Sigh. Hopefully someday it’ll feel less like homework, but it’s hard when you don’t have a foundation, and you have to meet new people instead of just calling up friends. I’ll get there eventually though.
My family came over last night, and my applications were a big topic for conversation. Everyone means well, but aside from hating dealing with them, I don’t have a ton to say on the subject. I don’t really think about them in terms of producing an actual result– they’re just a boulder I keep pushing up a mountain. The essays, and recommendations, and endless transcripts don’t feel at all connected to where I’ll be next year, and the idea that someday in the near-ish future I’ll hear back from these schools and get either a yes or no feels…unlikely. I know I will, just like I know the pyramids exist, and that there are giant squids in the ocean, but I don’t 100% believe it, because it’s too far out of the range of my experiences. This isn’t at all like applying to college- I knew I’d get into college, literally everyone from my high school (who felt inclined, because some people didn’t apply) got in somewhere. This is different. After everyone cleared out my mom, sister and I watched Billy Elliot, and the scene at the end, where he gets his letter from the Royal Ballet School made me think about acceptance letters even more. The suspense, the emotion. Between now and May I’ll have a bunch of envelopes coming my way. It was smart to apply to a lot of schools, because it increased my chances, but that’s a lot of envelopes to grapple with. Fortunately, I still don’t believe that I’ll ever hear back, so I don’t have to cross that bridge just yet.
Because I’m getting back to regular life, I kicked off the day with my old favorite, the kale egg sandwich. We ran out of kale about a week ago, and it was hard to find in the stores for some reason, so I’d been doing without, but I’m thrilled to have it back in my life now. I unfortunately broke my egg yolk, but it was still darn tasty, with some First Light Farm and Creamery double cream chevre smeared on the english muffin. Is there any better way to start the day?