I don’t take allergy meds. I have chronic eye dryness, and allergy meds make it worse, so I don’t take them. I have allergies, so it isn’t a perfect system, and I sometimes feel allergish and miserable, but it usually works. Except on Wednesday, when I couldn’t breathe. My allergies were really bad, and I couldn’t breathe, and the idea of running a race that I hadn’t trained for when my breathing was already bad was too bleak so I took the meds, and now my eyes are all red. Which I hate. I hate it so much, and I especially hate that when your eyes are red everyone feels compelled to tell you that your eyes are red. It makes me feel self-conscious, on top of having hurty eyes, and it sucks. But at least I could breathe during my race. That counts for something.
My eyebrow ring is infected again (this is a whining post if you haven’t already noticed). I love my eyebrow ring, and I think it makes me look like a sexy, Lisbeth Salander badass, but it keeps getting infected, and when it does I don’t look like a badass, I look icky. If I’m going to play rugby in the spring I’ll have to be able to take it out for practices and games, and I can’t do that if it doesn’t heal. I’m going to start calling schools about going in for interviews, and I want to take it out when I meet with admissions people so they don’t immediately judge me as a facial piercing person and reject me, and in order for that to work it has to heal. I love my eyebrow ring, and I don’t want to take it out and let it close up, but it frustrating when it refuses to just be, the way my ears and belly button piercing are.
There weren’t any nice leafy green things at the market today, just eggs and cheeses, and squashes. It’s almost winter, so that’s standard procedure, but I’m going to miss getting the majority of our food from local vendors. And I’m feeling a little rejected, which is silly, but true. Because whoopie pies were one thing, but turnovers felt like putting myself out there, and now…nothing. No response. And I know it isn’t about me, and I made a point of holding back, so I’m barely even a blip, because I haven’t made a move, so this isn’t a real rejection, but it makes me feel glum. I think it’s time to let this one go. Is it terrible to say that life is more interesting when there’s a love interest? I don’t need to like someone, and I certainly don’t need to be dating someone (thank goodness, since I almost never am), but it’s fun when there’s someone who you look forward to seeing.
I can’t log into my Seattle application, and it’s due in four days. It’s done, and I just have to fill in the payment information, but it’s stressing me out. I really want to go to Seattle. They have an on-campus wildlife refuge, and they don’t use any pesticides on their landscaping. It’s far away, and exotic, and it would be such an adventure. I want to go. I want my application to be straightened out, and I want them to take me, and I want some kind of certainty about where I’ll be this time next year. I hate not knowing. Just like I hate having red eyes, infected piercings, and zero romantic leads. It’s that kind of day. I blame the post-holiday letdown.