That was one of the basic things that I had to accept when I joined crew. It was hard, and tiring, and painful, and when I was rowing I had to wake up when my housemates were going to bed to go out and kill myself, on the water or in the gym. It was hard, and painful, but rowing, not necessarily being on crew, but rowing, was 100% worth it. And now, I’ve lost that comfort with discomfort. I don’t have to accept it anymore, so I don’t, and I don’t push myself the way I should. I want to, but I’ve kind of forgotten how. In lots of ways, not just when it comes to exercise. I went contra dancing this past weekend, but getting out the door was terrible. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to deal with awkward situations and bad dancing (and worse, good dancing, since it highlights how bad I am), and I wouldn’t have gone if my mom hadn’t wanted to. I would’ve stayed home and planked around, and it would have been like every other evening. I went, for a bit, and it wasn’t the best dance ever, but it was better than nothing, and I need to do that more often. When I don’t stretch myself I get bored, and then I get cranky and mad at myself, and I shrink a little more. I need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable again. I need to run more, and accept that while my feet look pretty when I don’t (they look like normal person feet!), that isn’t a good reason to stop running. I’ll feel better if I push myself. It’s so hard for me to get started, and stick with it now that I have the option of not, but I know that I would feel better if I worked harder. I would feel better about things if I worked out more, and I would feel best of all if I got up early to work out. I loved that feeling of accomplishment. It’s so hard to push yourself though! People do it, I would see people like that at the gym when I went for winter training, and I know that bloggers do it, but it’s hard for me. I wish I had a buddy who would work out with me. I used to walk to practice with a friend, and it was very cheering having someone to wake up and meet me in the cold so we could go push ourselves to work extra hard because we knew the other person was giving their all and we refused to give any less. I need to get out more, and force myself to work harder. I need to sleep less, and sweat more, and spend more time out in the world.
I didn’t forget about Music Monday, but I couldn’t think of a good song until last night, and then I didn’t feel like posting, but this is what I have for this week. We were talking about Christmas mass last night, and I told my parents that I 100% don’t want to go to the Newman Center mass this year because I don’t like it at all. It’s in a basement, and it has a big ugly stained glass wall, and there aren’t any kneelers, but the worst thing of all is that they sing a different version of “Come O Come Emmanuel”, and that just grates on me. It’s honestly the worst. The songs are my favorite part of mass, and singing them however which way is irritating, which isn’t what I want to feel on Christmas. BUT it’s still too early for Christmas music, so I went with another hymn that I like a lot.