I will have a driver’s license. But probably not before then, because things just keep going wrong. I was supposed to take my road test today (for the second time. I took it for the first time in…June? May? earlier this year, and it was a disaster. To put it in perspective, I watched Clueless that night, and I 100% understood how Cher felt). My instructor picked me up at 7:45 this morning, and I drove out to the ‘burbs for the test. We had about an hour to kill, so I drove around, making right turn after right turn, and parallel parking everything in sight. It sounds boring, and it was, but I was also pretty nervous, especially because the first time he told me to make a three point turn I hit the gas and not the brake and ran a stop sign. That was not my finest moment. He actually said “If you’re going to freak out…” and trailed off ominously, which really only piqued my curiousity. If I’m going to freak out what? Would he have made me get out of the car? Would we just blow off the test because I’m a freaked out failure? I’ll never know, because I assured him that I was not freaking out, and that I would be fine, and he accepted it. We pulled up to the testing site, and sat awkwardly in the car while we waited for the examiner, who was on a road test with a rosy-cheeked androgenous youth who I’m pretty sure failed. So that was encouraging. They parked on the other side of the street, and the tester got into the car ahead of me while the previous testee sat in the car with their mom and I think cried for a bit. I was pretty nervous at that point, and so I tried to remember if any of the acupressure points I know are good for relaxing (nope. They’re all pretty much for stimulating labor, which was not what I was going for), and wished my original driving instructor hadn’t been such a cardcafe and I had been able to take the test when I was supposed to (two years ago). Finally it was my turn, and my instructor wished me luck, got out of the car, and the tester got in. I showed him my permit and 5 hour course receipt, he told me it was expired, and sent me on my merry way. No seriously. I hate to be that person, but I’m just not happy with my driving school experience. True, they gave me four free lessons, but they did so because my instructor was deeply unprofessional and kind of sexually harassing. And they did provide me with not one, but two new instructors (one last spring, and another this fall), but this process shouldn’t take two years. So I’m going to be spending this Saturday retaking my 5 hour course. And I’m probably going to take my road test when there’s snow on the ground. All things considered, this isn’t the end of the world, and I’m pleased that I’ll have more time to practice before I take the test, but it’s really frustrating to have this level of bad service. Most people sign up for driving school, take the lessons, take the course, take the test (maybe twice, but usually not more than that) and then have their license, but that’s too easy. That’s boring. It’s way more fun to turn it into an Experience.