I love Pride Alliance. It’s like one of those sun lamps that people with Seasonal Affective Disorder use, except for queerness. Today’s Subject of the Day was “Who has it hardest in society, lesbians, gay men, or bisexuals (trans people were presumably left out because they clearly have it hardest of all. Or no one thought of it, because it isn’t a very trans-aware group, I don’t know), and I could have talked all day. I didn’t, I didn’t even say anything until the meeting was almost over because I felt too shy. I couldn’t stay totally silent though, because people were being so irritating. The club VP said that she’s bi, but she hates toys, and can’t deal with sex with men. Which is fine, because you can identify as whatever you want, but then she told someone else who identifies as a lesbian that no, she’s actually bisexual, and that any lesbians who enjoy toys or penetration are actually bi. Ahh! No! Not ok! I had to leap in and defend toys, and the right to define your own sexuality. I was careful to be respectful, because I’m new to the group, but it was fun to speak up, and give my perspective. I don’t actually identify as bisexual (I identify as queer), but I did for a little while, and it’s hard. People don’t trust you. Dan Savage has a great essay about it actually, and I agree with a lot of the points he makes. I’m kind of guilty of being skeptical of bisexual men, since I think it’s sometimes easier for men to admit to being bisexual than all out gay, because they get to hang on to some socially acceptable sexuality, and I do think that men are less sexually fluid than women, but I’m working to get over that. I’ve had a relationship with a guy who identifies as bisexual , and it gave me some pause, but I got over it because he was great. I hate how hard it is for bisexual people to convince potential partners that they can be trusted. I’ve been rejected by girls because I also like guys, and it sucks when liking everyone is perceived as not really liking anyone. One of the gay men in Pride Alliance said today that he would sleep with a bisexual man, but he wouldn’t be in a relationship with one because he wouldn’t like feeling like he was lacking something that his partner wanted. That kind of makes sense (I sometimes worry that if I find someone to spend my life with I’ll miss having sex with whatever gender they aren’t, and I know I was super excited to go back to men after being with a woman (it’s much more intuitive for me), only to then miss aspects of lesbian sex, but that’s part of committing to one person. I don’t think I’m any less capable of committing to someone because of my sexual fluidity, and yet I have to try to convince other people that I’m a safe bet.
I love this club. It isn’t what I’m used to, but I love it.