I’m really sorry about my earlier post. I shouldn’t have put my family issues on here, espeically when things are unresolved, and I was still upset. It wasn’t fair of me, and I’m going to try to keep that kind of passive aggression off of this site.
(The following is best read in your most dramatic mental reading tone. That’s how I’m writing it, and I’m having fun, so I suggest you give it a shot. Even if you decide it isn’t for you, you’ll have tried to get into the spirit of things, and that’s a good quality to have.)
I’m eating the most beautiful apple ever right now, and it’s killing me that I don’t have a camera. Whenever I go apple picking (or any fruit picking) there’s always one perfect, beautiful, soulmate apple (or peach, or whatever) that I need to pick. The apple of my dreams, the apple of destiny! And sometimes it turns out to be rotton on one side, so you throw it down, and walk away, slightly sadder, but not any wiser, because you’re already on the prowl for the next perfect apple. And it’s sitting, half-eaten on my desk. I think it’s a Cortland. It’s red, and white white white on the inside, and very sweet, and crunchy without tearing your mouth to shreds. I bought a variety at the market last week, but I think I mostly got Cortlands, so that’s probably what this is. It’s also the size of a volleyball, and so I’m faced with a problem: continue eating this amazing apple until I’m too full to enjoy it, or throw away amazing, delicious apple. It’s a tough call. How many apples like this do you get in a lifetime? Think of all the terrible apples you get! The hard, the dry, the mealy! Seriously, is there anything as heartbreakingly awful as a mealy apple? I’m leaning towards just cowboying up and finishing it, but I can’t even look at the banana I also brought in today. It’s already battered from the journey from its bunch to the office, riding rough in my bag with an anatomy textbook and full nalgene, and now it’s doomed to repeat the same ride. The other bananas in the bowl won’t even recognize it when I put it back tonight, but I wanted an apple, and I have to live with the consequences of my decision. The apple is already starting to brown though, the bloom going off the rose. I feel slightly sticky, and over-full, but it was all worth it when I remember that first bite.
*Curtain falls* The audience rises for a standing ovation. Bouquets and panties are thrown. Walking out, program clutched in your hand, you see the 3:00 Snack sign is already being covered by another that reads: Coming soon: DINNER.