Monthly Archives: October 2011

Happy Halloween!


I decided to celebrate by getting up at the crack of dawn and taking a four hours standardized test! Woo! Ok, to be fair, I didn’t really mind how long the test was- it was broken up into manageable chunks, and there was a ten minute break at the halfway point. I’m mostly just grumpy because my projected score for the math isn’t what I was hoping for. But it’s over now, so that’s great. I’m one step closer to grad school!

In other news, I got an email from a certain cookie-recipient. ūüôā Nothing effusive, but a nice, friendly, “thank you for the delicious whoopie pies” kind of email. I am super crushed-out. It’s kind of awesome. I love this excited, butterflies feeling- I always kind of forget what it feels like in between crushes, or worry that it wasn’t a hormone-fueled brain chemistry thing, but the former object of a crush was just that amazing. and now I’m over them, and what does that say about me? But then I get a new crush and it’s exciting all over again. I’m such a geek, but I don’t care at all because it’s fun. This week’s Music Monday pick reflects my glee- it’s sort of my go-to cheerful song, but I can’t help the fact that it perfectly fits a good mood. Now I’m off to snag a break-room chocolate covered Halloween oreo. GRE? What GRE?




I have to take credit for the really lame one- I didn’t think it out fully, and so it’s kind of a mess.

Also cookies! They’re just the whoopie pies from yesterday, but they came out so well that I wanted to post a picture.

Delicious-looking, right?

Old 22


So I didn’t go out on Friday night, but I went to a party last night. My cousin told me that some girls who work for Red Bull were having a party (doesn’t that sound promising?), and so I pulled together my costume (people could actually tell what I was! It was really exciting, especially because they guessed based on details¬†that I didn’t think were too obvious, like my boots. Sadly, I didn’t take a picture)¬†and¬†went out with him and his friends.¬†I’ve mentioned before that I’m really not a partier, and last night kind of confirmed it. Or, maybe that isn’t true, but I’m not a crazy jello shots and weed partier. It occurred to me last night that the reason I always glommed onto a guy when I used to go out my freshman and sophomore years of college was because I am terrible at huge party small talk, especially if I don’t know very many people there. So that’s a problem. It was kind of fun, but in a really loud, smokey, not-drinking way (they ran out of cups). I wouldn’t have felt great about tying one on anyway though- the party was full of girls who were too drunk and getting sick, and no one wants to be that girl. There were lots of good costumes though- my cousin and his friends went as Tom Hanks characters, and there were a bunch of girls dressed as Care Bears (who apparently don’t wear pants? They were all wearing nude-colored spankies with bunny tails that bounced when they ran around. It was kind of cute, but weird).

I’m old. It’s ok,¬†but I’m an old 22 year old. I sort of skipped the part where I live in a crappy party house with a beer pong table, and let people smoke in my house. I’m a little jealous of people who can enjoy that kind of thing, but I’m happy with¬†not being at that point in my life. It was nice to go out, and I’m glad I did, but mostly because it really confirmed how comfortable I am with not going out all the time. Plus, my costume rocked. ūüôā

Bawk Bawk Bawk


Ok ok, I’m a big chicken. OR maybe I’m just enjoying a crush, and I don’t want to do anything that might make it less enjoyable. One or the other. Or both. Either way, I whipped up a delicious batch of pumpkin whoopie pies this morning (I mostly followed the recipe, but I made a few tweaks, like not using pumpkin pie spice. I hate when recipes call for pumpkin pie spice because I like to have more input on the flavor. Today I went for a spicier flavor, with lots of nutmeg and some black pepper), with the direct purpose of bringing him a couple. They came out really great too, the First Light Farm and Creamery pumpkin goat cheese is amazing. I’ve made whoopie pies before with my friends, but this was my first solo attempt, and I’m really happy with the way they turned out. I know bloggers all love to rave about pumpkin, but it is delightful. The cake parts are rich and moist, and the cheese had such a nice pumpkin-y flavor that I barely had to add anything (the recipe called for adding butter, sugar, and vanilla, but I just added a little bit of vanilla and maybe a tablespoon of confectioners sugar). They baked for longer than I expected, taking about fifteen to twenty minutes instead of the ten the recipe said it would take, but the whole process only took about…an hour. Set up and clean up included, plus letting the cakes cool so I could frost (cheese?) them. I felt so so shy about giving them to the guy, but he seemed genuinely pleased, and so that was nice. I would be thrilled if someone brought me fresh baked goods, especially nice pumpkin whoopie pies. Crushes are fun.

Frosty the Stoop Step


Brr! It is chilly today! Driving into work all the lawns were white with frost, and I nearly killed myself leaving the house when I slipped on the icy stoop. I like the cold though. I had a fire going for most of yesterday, and I made a delicious cozy meal, that we unfortunately didn’t eat until 8:30 (the pokey chef strikes again!). Last week at the farmer’s market my mom and I decided to try something new, and got a buttercup squash, and yesterday I roasted it up to make into buttercup squash risotto. I modified the recipe somewhat, since I wanted to use barley instead of rice, and I got bored/hungry/grumpy around 8:00 and so I probably should have used more liquid, but I was ready to be done cooking. I also suspect I used less than the suggested amount of cheese, because my parents were¬†hungry and sneaking pinches while I was cooking, but it tasted great anyway. The squash gave it an almost startling yellow¬†color, kind of like Kraft mac and cheese, but brightly colored foods are fun. I also made brussel sprouts with bacon and apples again, and this time baked them on the skillet that I used to cook the bacon, which was a good modification (and my dad’s idea) because they absorbed more bacon-y flavor. We were running low on pecans, and I kind of forgot about them and left them in the toaster, but it turned out great, and even my dad, who can have the palate of a small child when it¬†comes to¬†vegetables¬†said that I shouldn’t be ashamed to serve these¬†brussel sprouts.

(This was actually my dad’s plate, what with the glass of wine. The green plastic cup of orange juice was mine because I’m an Adult.)

After dinner and clean-up I dashed upstairs to watch Grey’s Anatomy, which I thought was kind of meh. As a general rule, I enjoy stories about baseball, especially if it centers around a ragtag team of misfits, but watching the doctors play was just uncomfortable. And Owen hiring Henry for the day to be a ringer (wringer?) was stupid and implausible. Plus, and I don’t care how harsh this sounds, I just dislike Alex, and every time he meddles into the adoption practice I like him less, even though I know he’s just trying to be nice. He’s all weird and secretive about it, which I think is creepy, and he’s too much like a dog that growls and snaps at everyone but his owner. If he has such a heart of gold, I think he should at least attempt to treat people other than Meredith less like crap. And I think Lexie and Mark should just get married already. I mean, c’mon! Although watching her lob a softball at that doctor’s boob was pretty funny.

So I’m going to a party tonight. Faithful readers may be surprised, because I pretty much never write about going out, and the reason for that is I never do. I do plenty of stuff- I don’t just sit on my hands all night every night, but I can’t say I’m a party animal. Or even normally socialized. If I was a shelter dog I would have to be fostered before being made available for adoption because I’m so under socialized, but I’m actually ok. I’m like one of those fish that can grow lungs during times of drought, and so I haven’t really felt the lack of peers, but now the prospect of a party is making me slightly nervous (i.e. hugely socially anxious). There’s something about Halloween that drives me to socialize though, even though I haven’t had an epic Halloween since I stopped trick-or-treating. Tv and movies make it seem like such a blast, but it almost always disappoints. This year I’m going as The Bride from Kill Bill. I couldn’t find a suitable dress (I felt bad about the idea of covering a thrift store dress with fake blood. It’s in a thrift store, yes, but it had a tremendous amount of meaning for someone at one point), and the yellow jumpsuit was out of the question (I wouldn’t even know where to look for one), so I’m going as The Bride in jeans, when she goes to kill Budd. The costume store was a madhouse yesterday, and I was planning on going as one of the Crazy 88’s¬†if I couldn’t find a dress, but it hurt to wear the mask over my eyebrow ring. I found a suitable katana¬†though, and the costume kind of came together from there. Hopefully it’ll be a fun night. I’m taking the GRE on actual Halloween, so a party would probably be too much for my poor, broken spirit, and handing out candy will be more my speed, but I can go out tonight. Maybe it’ll even be fun.



Crushes are lots of fun, even when they don’t lead to anything. Then again, when they do, and there’s flirting, and kissing, and getting to know the other person, and all that good stuff, that’s fun too. I’m currently being pressured to act on a crush, and I’m not sure I want to. Because what’s the best case scenario? I’m only applying to one school in New York State, and it isn’t close to Buffalo, so even if things work out and we hit it off, there’s a¬†expiration date (and not a twinkie expiration date, more like a gallon of milk). And we’re both hugely busy. And there’s some distance to consider. So maybe I should just lay back and enjoy feeling crushy and girly, and channel those feelings into things like painting my nails and occasionally shaving my legs. But then, what if I’d be missing out on something awesome? I like distance. I like having space. I was really into a relationship that was almost entirely conducted through letters. But that’s just me- most people like to occasionally see the person they’re dating. Most people also like being asked out though. I don’t. It makes me feel stressed, and imposed upon (no one who I want to ever asks me out). So I haven’t made up my mind yet.

I have an embarrassing confession- I went running on Monday, and I’m still sore. I’ve been limping along, and navigating my heels at work today was not pretty. So I decided to go to yoga tonight. I hadn’t been in forever, but it felt amazing. It isn’t technically Bikram, but it’s pretty much the same thing. As much as I enjoy it, I’m not much of a yogi. I have a hard time getting my brain to shut up, and I can’t help laughing at myself when I fall out of a pose. Plus, I get kind of competitive, which isn’t really in the spirit of the thing. Tonight’s class was pretty packed, so I accidentally snagged someone’s foot, and the guy next to me sort of knocked me over, while the guy behind me kept accidentally touching my feet (poor guy, my feet are not pretty). It’s slightly gross, because we were all so sweaty, but it didn’t bother me. After class I walked home in the rain, and even though I had an umbrella I left it in my bag so I could feel it. I suspect I’ll still be sore tomorrow, but I’m really glad I went to class anyway.

*Mandolin Sounds*


I am so in love with my mandolin. I’ve never really been musical, and I’m not sure that playing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” ad infinitum (it’s the only song I know so far)¬†qualifies me as “musical”, but I’m having a ball with it. I love the sound, I love just sweeping my pick up and down the strings again and again, I love the little stripe indentations the strings leave in my fingertips, I love everything about it. Which is great, because it means that I actually practice, and so I feel good playing in my lesson, so I get praised, and the cycle contines.

Last night was really kickass. I didn’t make it to the gym (I was going to go after my lesson, but I just didn’t feel like it. I know, it’s lame, and I need to be getting in shape for the Turkey Trot, and spring rugby, and don’t I want to have nice quads? But I was tired. It was a long day. Plus, I went home and practiced mandolin for an extra hour, so it’s not like I was just wasting that time), but I had a great lesson, and then there was a doula support network meeting. We talked about all kinds of things, and everyone exchanged numbers so if they can’t make it to a birth they can call for back-up. We also talked about applying to nursing programs, and different paths to midwifery, which was really interesting. I feel good about my decision to become a nurse-midwife, but I know it isn’t the route that a lot of people agree with. There is a certain amount of working within the system that needs to happen though, and I think it opens up more opportunities, like Doctors Without Borders, than other kinds of midwifery that are less understood and accepted. Plus, I want to learn as much as I can, so once I’m established (someday), I can go back to school if I want, and get my CPM (Certified Professional Midwife- a must for homebirth midwives. I want to do homebirths, but it wouldn’t kill me to work in a hospital for a few years, and do homebirths as a doula). It was nice just sitting around and talking about birth last night. We ate nice chocolate, with sea salt and almonds, and discussed ways of preparing placenta, and shared birth stories. It was a good reminder of why I’m doing what I’m doing, and that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel. I’m actually having a good year, but I’m keeping myself slightly off balance so I don’t get too comfortable, and it’s nice to remember that someday I’ll be on level ground again.

Heart Shredding


My test was bad. Bad bad. It was not fun. I eliminated a lot of answers, so there was educated guessing involved, but I didn’t feel great about it. And then my professor told me I might not get into nursing school because I’m not forward enough. And that midwives are just as bad as doctors and just want to boss their clients around and turf ’em. So that was sad. And the worst part was that no one else seemed bothered by the test. People acknowledged that they guessed on a lot of questions, but they weren’t distressed. They said it felt better than the last test, but it felt worse to me. I really hope this doesn’t mean I’m the outlier who isn’t helped by the curve. I know it will be ok if this round of applications doesn’t pan out, because I have multiple irons in the fire, but I want to get in. I wish I could fast forward and know now how things are going to happen.

On the bright side, we did heart dissections today in lab. That was cool. I do love cutting into stuff. Brains, hearts, you name it, I’ll have fun cutting it up. I don’t want to be a surgeon, but I love the hands-on stuff. As it turns out, hearts are really tough, and one kid actually cut his hand trying to get through his, but I was pretty happy with my cut. I can’t really imagine cutting into living tissue, but I do enjoy lab.

Music Monday! On a Monday this time!


I’ve had kale with two meals today. The other day¬†I remarked to my mom that I’m not 100% sure whether I like kale because I enjoy the way it tastes, or because I like that it’s good for me, but either way I’m winning. Except I don’t think I’ll attempt the scary swamp thing smoothie using purple kale again, because blended it’s brown. And not pretty, chocolate-y brown, scary, sludgey brown. I used more lemon juice today though, and it was easier to drink. Maybe it’s just an acquired taste.

I have mixed feelings about this week. It’s the only thing standing between me and the dreaded GRE (which I’m taking a week from today), but I have a big scary test (of doom) tomorrow, and then I have to somehow get to my mentee’s house quick like a bunny to meet her and the social worker. I’m looking forward to meeting her, but transportation is so problematic. I need a license. Badly. Tests and whatnot aside, my real issue with this week is that I don’t have anything exciting on the horizon. It might snow on Friday, which is exciting, and not dreary, but not really enough to count as something to look forward to, because being weather, it isn’t certain. I’m feeling kind of pent-up. I loved visiting the farm yesterday, but it made me realize how sedentary I am. I wish I could work on a farm, and not in an office. I also wish our firewood wasn’t already quartered, because now it doesn’t need splitting, and I love splitting wood because it makes me feel like Jo from Little Women. I want to swing an ax (or in our case, a wedge), or throw hay, or do some kind of physical work. The best I can do at the moment is to run home from work tonight. I don’t have time for a spinning class because of the Big Bad Test.

On the bright side, I have mandolin tomorrow, and I have actually been practicing! I may not have anything big and great in the immediate future, but there are little things like that. I bought a giant purple cauliflower at the market on Saturday, and I’m going to roast it tonight and then I’ll have delicious purple cauliflowerets¬†to nom. My professor said he would recommend me for one of my programs, so I’m that much closer to being done with an application. I got 100% on my lab homework, and it didn’t even take me all that long to finish because I knew a lot of endocrine system stuff already, and so it was just a refresher (I’ve decided that there’s no excuse for not getting 100% every time since I can do it as many times as I want anyway). I’m really really looking forward to my run later. It’s raining, and I love running in the rain. And when I get home I’ll have a lovely shower, and study by the fire. I’m still ambivalent about this week, and tomorrow in particular, but I feel good right now.