Quick Rant

Standard

Why aren’t there any cute queer girls on OkCupid? Also, why don’t any girls, cute or not, look at my profile? And why doesn’t anyone on this stupid site like to read? GAH!

I’m not looking to date anyone right now, and I’m kind of mixed up about what I want anyway, but still. The thing is, my last experience with a girl was so super awesome that I really want more, but I know the steps with men, and that’s helpful. Men don’t make me feel as scrutinized, like I have to prove myself, and justify my sexuality. That might be one of the reasons why no girls are messaging me- when I first put up my profile I got a couple of hits from girls who said they wanted to try a lesbian relationship, but had never kissed a girl before, and I know everyone has to start somewhere, but no thank you, I’m tired of straight girls hitting on me because I look straight, so it isn’t really gay, right? Sigh. I don’t want a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, I just want a friend, and none of the guys who are messaging me seem to want anything other than freaky bisexual girl sex, because I probably do all kinds of weird stuff in bed since I like girls. Maybe I’m being unfair, and they’re really nice people, but I’m lonely, and I don’t want to have to wade through all of this. The past two people I’ve kissed came out of nowhere, like bolts of sexiness from the blue, and that’s how it usually goes- finding someone when you aren’t looking. I miss that insane crush feeling though (I fall hard and fast and then I pine), and I’m trying to hold onto my most recent experiences to keep me warm for the time being, but pleasant as they were, they don’t work as well when my feelings for the people have changed. Maybe not gone away, but have been preserved in a less potent state, like dried flowers. I need someone my own age to talk to, and go to concerts with, and just be in the same city as me, because I have friends, I have delightful friends who I love, but they’re all so far away.

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